67. Yokota Days

Thinking about how I let opportunities pass, I remember when Marie came to sit beside me on the bench in the middle of a basketball game that my team was playing. I just sat dumbly silent. This silence often falls on me in social situations, which must often make me seem retarded, or in this case, perhaps spiteful. I cannot remember if this particular incident happened after a chill blew on our friendly relationship, when she started dating Adrian, but even if it did, I am pretty sure that I badly wanted to say something friendly, even something as asinine as, “Enjoying the game?” But nothing came to me, and I just sat there like a sack of rotting potatoes. I wonder if it is because, deep down, I know that nothing can come of it. What can I possibly say that will make me loveable?