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I took care of that shave. I cannot say I feel refreshed.
I knew I was always on the ugly side, but, man, looking at my face closely in the mirror, wow, I've plunged to all new depths of ugliness. My face is much more splotchy with darker skin regions. And it looks like I got pouches of fattiness. All of this is in addition to the fact that my face is largely just a mass of scar tissue. Let me put it this way, I shouldn't have such a difficult time moving to the 'yes' side on whether I am ready for eternity and to give up this godforsaken body. Let's not forget the fat belly either, which I have always hated, ever since I grew it. It should be easy to shimmy off this mortal coil. Indeed, whenever I am ready to take my shot, I should have this little mirror by me, so that I might strengthen my resolve by looking into it.
Before this evening, I knew that romance was not likely, but I really considered it a possibility - an outside chance. The charms of my mind could make up for my face. But now, aside from the issues of health and death that are so pressing, I see how impossible it is. I am truly hideous.
Yet, it remains true that, if I could just be financially secure, I would really love to stick around if only for the pleasures of the mind, as well as to see my cats' lives through. And there is Internet porn.
Rereading the above, I can see how one might be easily confused. What, have I not looked into a mirror in years? Kind of not. I generally make a point of avoiding it. For instance, I only use a very dim light in my bathroom and I leave the mirror dirty. This evening, though, I decided to go ahead and clean the mirror I was shaving with, and I decided to look into the mirror with a bright light on. I don't often get such a clear look at what I got. I definitely don't study my face. In this limbo state, however, I decided to do just that. Maybe it will make things easier.
I knew I was always on the ugly side, but, man, looking at my face closely in the mirror, wow, I've plunged to all new depths of ugliness. My face is much more splotchy with darker skin regions. And it looks like I got pouches of fattiness. All of this is in addition to the fact that my face is largely just a mass of scar tissue. Let me put it this way, I shouldn't have such a difficult time moving to the 'yes' side on whether I am ready for eternity and to give up this godforsaken body. Let's not forget the fat belly either, which I have always hated, ever since I grew it. It should be easy to shimmy off this mortal coil. Indeed, whenever I am ready to take my shot, I should have this little mirror by me, so that I might strengthen my resolve by looking into it.
Before this evening, I knew that romance was not likely, but I really considered it a possibility - an outside chance. The charms of my mind could make up for my face. But now, aside from the issues of health and death that are so pressing, I see how impossible it is. I am truly hideous.
Yet, it remains true that, if I could just be financially secure, I would really love to stick around if only for the pleasures of the mind, as well as to see my cats' lives through. And there is Internet porn.
Rereading the above, I can see how one might be easily confused. What, have I not looked into a mirror in years? Kind of not. I generally make a point of avoiding it. For instance, I only use a very dim light in my bathroom and I leave the mirror dirty. This evening, though, I decided to go ahead and clean the mirror I was shaving with, and I decided to look into the mirror with a bright light on. I don't often get such a clear look at what I got. I definitely don't study my face. In this limbo state, however, I decided to do just that. Maybe it will make things easier.
