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As I take to my chess board this morning, I start yawning widely, my brain goes foggy, and I am ready for a little nap. I recognize this as a familiar pattern, and it gives me a calculus flashback, as I recall my earliest undergraduate days trying to thrive in computer science.
How can I believe that I am greatly fascinated in math or chess, but then go groggy when I actually engage the material? Am I kidding myself about the fascination, perhaps with a certain fixation to see myself as smart? Or is it possible to be fascinated by something without being able to actually participate, say, with sports and athleticism but without the least capacity for such performance? Maybe it's both.
This is not to say I am giving up on chess. Unlike calculus and collegiate math, I don't need to make steady progress to continue to play. I can simply enjoy games, in the same way that our would-be athlete can enjoy watching sports on TV, or even going out and shooting some hoops at the park.
How can I believe that I am greatly fascinated in math or chess, but then go groggy when I actually engage the material? Am I kidding myself about the fascination, perhaps with a certain fixation to see myself as smart? Or is it possible to be fascinated by something without being able to actually participate, say, with sports and athleticism but without the least capacity for such performance? Maybe it's both.
This is not to say I am giving up on chess. Unlike calculus and collegiate math, I don't need to make steady progress to continue to play. I can simply enjoy games, in the same way that our would-be athlete can enjoy watching sports on TV, or even going out and shooting some hoops at the park.
