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I was thinking hard this evening about leaving pornography behind me. Maybe it was Colapinto's novel "Undone" that led me back to this issue. At best, porn is a weakness; at worst, it is at least suggestive of a sexual criminality. And I am in my fifties now: my libido should not be that over-powerful. Maybe my interest in chess can take the place of pornography now. I would delete my porn blog, throw away my video tapes, cleanse my soul. Okay, I would keep my DVD copies of "Expensive Tastes" starring Elaine Wells and "Oriental Babysitter" starring Linda Wong. Well, these are among the best of the classics.
Naturally, this idea exhausted itself before the evening was over. I was watching TV over my dinner, and I was scrolling through my DVR movies, and I noticed that I had Adrien Brody's "Detachment" recorded. I had to check out that scene near the opening, when that cutesy teen prostitute is sucking off the old guy in the back of the bus. She demands her money afterward, but she just gets punched in the face and is bloodied. She gets up and forgets about the money. She sees Adrien Brody sitting nearby looking at her, and she vamps it up, looking for more business, looking both super-vulnerable and ready for more nasty action, anything for twenty dollars, and this is just sooo hot for me that I realize I am not going to give up pornography, not today, probably not ever, even if I live into my nineties. I am a hungry man with no women, and I am just wired this way. It lights my fire.
Naturally, this idea exhausted itself before the evening was over. I was watching TV over my dinner, and I was scrolling through my DVR movies, and I noticed that I had Adrien Brody's "Detachment" recorded. I had to check out that scene near the opening, when that cutesy teen prostitute is sucking off the old guy in the back of the bus. She demands her money afterward, but she just gets punched in the face and is bloodied. She gets up and forgets about the money. She sees Adrien Brody sitting nearby looking at her, and she vamps it up, looking for more business, looking both super-vulnerable and ready for more nasty action, anything for twenty dollars, and this is just sooo hot for me that I realize I am not going to give up pornography, not today, probably not ever, even if I live into my nineties. I am a hungry man with no women, and I am just wired this way. It lights my fire.
