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A couple of interesting scraps of dreaming ... The first one seems to have me back in college. I am in a crowded hallway with other young students. I have been staring at an attractive short-haired brunette. She gets annoyed. I cannot put together what we said, but it dealt directly with my ability to connect, especially with a lovely girl. Perhaps she was saying that there was no reason for me to be so weird, that I could just interact normally with her. I told her, with some passion and desperation, that she is saying that because the room is poorly lighted and dark, so that she is not seeing just how ugly I really am. This makes an impression on her. She seems to become my girlfriend. The scene jumps outside, and we are still together. The grounds are fairly crowded with students, as I seem to be walking her to her dorm. She says that she will be leaving for a few days, but that I shouldn't worry: we'll be getting back together. However, looking back on the dream, it is striking, perhaps telling, that we never really make contact, not even to hold hands, much less give each other a goodbye kiss at the end. It's like she is only acting as my girlfriend, but nothing is ever really going to happen, though my first impression of the dream was a good feeling.
In the second dream, Pop and I are eating at a restaurant. I seem to be eating roast beef. I am having a lot of trouble cutting the meat, and I end up cutting the fatty pad on one of my fingertips. I apply a napkin to the cut, keeping pressure on it, hoping that the cut is not deep enough that I will need to do more. I'm okay. Then the scene shifts, but in apparent continuation (just like the dream above, in seeming to have two distinctly separate parts but in continuation). We seem to have arrived home from our dinner. Pop tells me that he will be leaving in a few minutes to pick up mother from work, and he asks if I would like to go with him. I do. I am even a little eager. Maybe we will do something fun together. And that is the end of this dream.
The last dream presents an interesting family dynamic. Jack does not seem to be living with us, and mother, pop, and I seem to be enjoying a very good family life, like we are more than just family but also good friends who really like each other and like to do things together. With mother working, that would seem to mean more money to play with, too. One might note that I still don't seem to have a job of my own, but it is a dream, not a nightmare.
* * *
Next day.
Another more cutting interpretation of the second dream comes to mind. Mother is not here and working a job. She is dead, and Pop is saying that he is going to die soon and join her in one sense or another. He is asking me if I really want to kill myself and die too.
In the second dream, Pop and I are eating at a restaurant. I seem to be eating roast beef. I am having a lot of trouble cutting the meat, and I end up cutting the fatty pad on one of my fingertips. I apply a napkin to the cut, keeping pressure on it, hoping that the cut is not deep enough that I will need to do more. I'm okay. Then the scene shifts, but in apparent continuation (just like the dream above, in seeming to have two distinctly separate parts but in continuation). We seem to have arrived home from our dinner. Pop tells me that he will be leaving in a few minutes to pick up mother from work, and he asks if I would like to go with him. I do. I am even a little eager. Maybe we will do something fun together. And that is the end of this dream.
The last dream presents an interesting family dynamic. Jack does not seem to be living with us, and mother, pop, and I seem to be enjoying a very good family life, like we are more than just family but also good friends who really like each other and like to do things together. With mother working, that would seem to mean more money to play with, too. One might note that I still don't seem to have a job of my own, but it is a dream, not a nightmare.
* * *
Next day.
Another more cutting interpretation of the second dream comes to mind. Mother is not here and working a job. She is dead, and Pop is saying that he is going to die soon and join her in one sense or another. He is asking me if I really want to kill myself and die too.
