Monday

Wow, I slept for five-and-a-half hours straight. It must be years since the last time I enjoyed such a good sleep. It is not easy helping your pet to die. A little of you dies as well. ... ... What a surprise: a catalog from TLA, that outfit that specializes in rapey movies, from what we used to call Hard-R to Triple-X. The last one I got came, what, at least two years ago, more like four or five years ago. It's like God is showing me her gentle humor, helping me in my sadness over Coco with some new porn. However, I have the Internet now, thank you, and I need more books at this point in my life. {"Does that mean you are just going to throw this nice catalog away in the trash? Unread? What a shame!"} Yeah, yeah, I will give it a good look. You never know what you might find. When you have strange tastes, there can be a special premium in something peculiarly nasty that you cannot find just anywhere. ... ... Here is one bit of Coco-musing that I want to keep. I was thinking about how it was presumably a little tough on her being the odd third-cat out, with the two grays, Ash and Sammy, pairing rather tightly. Then, I remembered Coco's kittenhood, when Willy was still with us, during that summer of 2004. Coco had a strong companion in Willy. I recall joking that Willy was having a Humbert-Humbert fantasy with Coco playing Lolita. They played and wrestled together quite a bit. I remember when Willy first got ill and could no longer play. Coco would lie down across from him, looking so fondly and sadly at him, missing what they had going. It was only a couple of months at best, while she was old enough for play and he was still healthy enough, but I venture to say that was the best time in Coco's life, getting that kind of attention and affection from another cat, that is, beyond the mothering that she enjoyed from Ash during that kittenhood. To be clear, Coco was not shunned by Ash and Sammy. They still played together and groomed each other, through their adult lives, as well as lie down together in repose. It wasn't a very bad situation, but, still, there were also times, for instance, when I watched Coco approach Ash and Sammy lying down together and then obviously feeling like she wasn't wanted and going away on her own. It was a relatively lonely life. I could have wished her more happiness.