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Entry tags:
Dream
A disturbing dream. It's the whole family, though. Teri as well as Pop. It felt like Jack was part of this dream world, too, but off-stage. At first, it seems as if this dream was from the early Bay Horse years, when Teri and Pop would get the groceries on their own, and I'd help to unload when they got home. However, in this dream, I have the full expectation of being able to get the groceries, too.
In the dream, Teri and Pop surprised me by having gone early to get the groceries, and I am upset and very angry. I look through the groceries they brought home, and I don't see some of things that I wanted, and I throw down. I'm not going to live like this! I tell Pop that he can live on his own. He asks me what am I going to do. And I actually answer that I'm going to be like Walt Whitman. I'm going to hit the road and write about it. But I know this is a cover-line. I don't intend to live at all. I don't know how much Pop understands that. Worse, I'm not honestly sure what I will do, or can do. It's gross blackmail, or else ridiculously childish - "If I don't get my way, I'm just going to hold my breath until I die!"
It also becomes clear that the dream, or at least part of it, the latter part, is meant to represent the present, because at one point I tell Pop, "I know you have been taking care of me for over 50 years, but..." It's an ugly scene, like a bad adolescent tantrum, except I'm in my fifties.
In the dream, Teri and Pop surprised me by having gone early to get the groceries, and I am upset and very angry. I look through the groceries they brought home, and I don't see some of things that I wanted, and I throw down. I'm not going to live like this! I tell Pop that he can live on his own. He asks me what am I going to do. And I actually answer that I'm going to be like Walt Whitman. I'm going to hit the road and write about it. But I know this is a cover-line. I don't intend to live at all. I don't know how much Pop understands that. Worse, I'm not honestly sure what I will do, or can do. It's gross blackmail, or else ridiculously childish - "If I don't get my way, I'm just going to hold my breath until I die!"
It also becomes clear that the dream, or at least part of it, the latter part, is meant to represent the present, because at one point I tell Pop, "I know you have been taking care of me for over 50 years, but..." It's an ugly scene, like a bad adolescent tantrum, except I'm in my fifties.