Tuesday

It just occurred to me that, if I follow through on my plan, I will be leaving Mann without having read "Buddnbrooks", the novel that ostensibly won him the Nobel Prize. Well, one always intended to come back to Mann and spend another few months with him, and that will be a good novel to start with.

e-Life

I have said that even a little sociable e-life is better than none, if only because every once in a while, one will get into an interesting exchange with another live, independent mind, and this is always great exercise - to hear another's voice instead of the constant looping of one's one sterile thoughts. Nevertheless, sometimes, like now, I wonder if it would be better to accept the silence than fall into this illusory notion that one has ... friends.

Although I can feel this strong temptation to drop LJ, for good this time (?), I figure that I am too old to be such a drama queen, and that it would be better simply to allow the few 'friends' I have to fade away on their own.

Before leaving the subject, I will note that I saw on one old guy's journal, an Englishman, the regular participation of a twenty-something hottie, who has some lovely pictures posted on her Instagram. On her profile page, she writes, hooking the male readers, that she likes to share pictures. In the old days, that would be like a siren, a call to action, and I would be trying to worm my way onto her friends list, charming her with my educated, witty comments. Oh, I thought about it! But then it seemed so pointless. What good could possibly come of it?

At this point in my life, might it not be better just to lose myself in the great works and lives of literature and history, instead of taking time and energy away from them as if I might still be able to build a better real life for myself?

Sugar

I had fallen behind on my Hardcopy Journal, thanks to grocery day, which I can see will likely be a fixed pattern. On top of that, I was also caught on a long journal entry, but a very good one, from the Blurty days. It was the semi-secret conversation that Sugar started with me, buried deeper in my blog so that others wouldn't readily see it, about the complications and drama of her family life, especially with regard to her adopter-father's rich relations. It was such a sharing. I was greatly touched. If she knew what I looked like, it probably never would have happened. But it did happen. It shows that there was a little bonding between us. In my empty life, it was something very special to me. Things didn't turn out well, but I find myself thinking how horrid it would have been, if even this little bit of social life was denied me. I do not think I am being melodramatic when I say that the chances are good that I might be dead already. For a little while, my special little e-friends made me feel human, and it looks like it is enough to carry me through, until either natural or financial circumstances finally do put an end me. That little bit of personal warmth goes a long way, I find.