Apr. 23rd, 2017

monk222: (Effulgent Days)
A good Sleep! Only one bathroom run. Maybe that long wank really tired me out. The cold night probably helped. For the cats, it was fortunate that I caught them on the patio when I had that one bathroom run, because they came inside and were happy to stay in for the night. It wasn't that cold. The temperature didn't fall into the forties. But I guess they aren't used to cold nights anymore.

This morning, as I went through my usual existential crisis while struggling to get out of bed, I asked myself, "How do I live with myself?" Not a single friend. Not a single warm voice in my life. This brought to mind my happy blogging days back in 2003 through 2005. It was only e-life. I never met any of those people in person. Still, there were a lot of wonderful conversations, even delightful flirtations. I am reminded of how invaluable that was to me. I seriously doubt that I would have made it this far without them. Before they came into my life, I was about done. I was ready to go my mother's way. They gave me a necessary boost to carry on through the days, and I am still feeding off it more than ten years later.
monk222: (Default)
This afternoon I fell into a spot of despair. I just finished playing out a chess game that I had recently lost to Robot-1900, and I did not feel like starting another game. Neither did I feel like turning over another triplet of cards for the Solitaire game I have going. I also needed a break from my books. That left me with nothing. And that's how I felt: like nothing. Nothing going nowhere.

I looked out the window upon a gorgeous spring afternoon, and I realized that I am missing a tool from my kit: the walk to the duck pond. I used to even regularly get duck feed. But then my feet went bad. I started thinking 'What the hell!', you only live once. I was going to force the issue and take my walk anyway, but then I realized that my feet are really, really bad. I would hurt myself if I ventured that walk across the neighborhood.

Then I realized that there are halfway measures available. I could just walk around the back yard for ten or fifteen minutes, and even make it 'quality time' with the cats, and read a couple of old journal entries from my little notebooks. And that's what I did. Aside from my legs getting eaten by the bugs, it was nice, just what the doctor prescribed. After all, one of the things that distinguishes me from being a regular prisoner of the state is that I can go outside and get some fresh air and sunlight anytime I want. Sometimes I forget.

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monk222

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