Apr. 4th, 2017

monk222: (Default)
I had one of those 3 a. m. bouts of cold fear, except that it was more like one a. m. It kind of feels like I am drowning: how can I go on in these circumstances? what I have let happen to my life is sheer crazy! I even think desperately about doing something about it, kind of like Scrooge waking up and singing merry Christmas and passing out money. Except: what can I do?

Going back to sleep wasn't possible. I got up and read some more "Lear". After tiring myself out a little more, I went back to sleep, and when I woke up this morning everything was back to normal - not good, but normal.

During that bout of fear, one of the foremost things on my mind was the time in 1997, when I got in contact with Dr. G. and handed him my Old Journal. I thought that that was my one chance to turn everything around. Why couldn't that have worked out for me? I should have been somebody. I thought about how I was left to twist in the wind.

This afternoon I have had another 'Dr. G. phone call' fantasy. In this one I tell him, "You were able to hold onto it for these twenty years; you can go ahead and keep it."

Pop

Apr. 4th, 2017 10:52 pm
monk222: (Default)
Over the past few days, I have overheard Pop talking excitedly on the phone about getting a new big toy for himself. Tonight, I caught what might have been the price, which is slightly less than two-hundred dollars. That's not as bad as I feared. I was thinking it might be something along the lines of the curved-screen Smart-TV. I think it is a high-tech thing, but even that is a wild guess. I'll probably be seeing it soon, though. I just hope this means air-conditioning isn't going to a problem this year. He seems to have a bottomless reserve of cash somewhere, even if it is on credit. I mean, how is he able to swing this long of a credit line?? Whatever. So long as we get air-conditioning!

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monk222

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