monk222: (Noir Detective)
Reading my Twitter feed, I see that one of the dragons died on "Games of Thrones". I tried to stick with this show when the new season began, but it just seemed too random and pointless, and there just isn't enough tits & ass in the show anymore for me to care. However, this dragon death arouses my interest a little, even though it is not exactly like the death of a cute, beloved dog. Should I check it out? Should I check it out? I don't know. I think I'd rather watch baseball.
monk222: (Default)
Jerry Lewis died. At 91. I am tempted to say that he was perhaps the last great silent-movie star. His physical comedy is what made him, but the act did not sustain itself very well into the 60s and 70s. He fits in better with the Charlie Chaplin era. I cannot help thinking of him as Dean Martin's monkey.

"Whoa, LOL, I sense a real animosity there. What do you got against Lewis? Did he fuck your girl or kill your dog?"

Heh, oh, I don't know. Maybe I am just projecting myself into him a little bit. If you're not an alpha-male, like Dino, then either you are invisible or ... you are a monkey-boy. Maybe. I don't know. I just felt it and went with it.

"You won't even give him credit for all those muscular dystrophy telethons?"

You see, I even kind of regard that as a lame effort to stay in the limelight. Just doing anything he can to get some attention.
monk222: (Bonobo Thinking)
Steve Bannon is out, the chief white nationalist in the administration. So, it would appear that maybe Trump now wants to distance himself from the uproar he provoked with his handling of Charlottesville. But is it really a new day? As Jeet Heer tweets, "The racist whispering in Trump's ear is gone. The racist whispering inside Trump's brain will never be gone." As the old jibe goes: moving deck chairs around on the Titanic.

On the other hand, you could also say that Trump is desperately learning on the job, in tutorship under the generals he has put on his staff. After all, Trump surely does not want to become a big joke in the history books. Maybe his enormous pride and instinct for self-preservation will enable him to keep afloat and keep his governance within the boundaries of humane rationality. Or maybe not. This is the guy who encouraged cops in another recent speech to bash suspects' heads on the roofs of their patrol cars. Character is destiny.
monk222: (Default)
I am happily surprised by how much I enjoyed Andrea Weiss's "In the Shadow of the Magic Mountain: The Erika and Klaus Mann Story." This was the first book I ordered when I came out of my aversion to prose works. I was worried if this was the book to get. This is sort of a boutique topic: the children of a great novelist. Moreover, I also felt that I was burning out on Thomas Mann, questioning whether it was a good idea in the first place to have spent so much time on him. But this book only affirmed my life choices, at least as far as my reading life goes. It greatly deepens my sense of the Mann universe. Getting this kind of detail on the Mann children helps give one more of a three-dimensional perspective. It is one thing to read a line in a biography or essay on Thomas Mann about the suicide of Klaus or about Erika's stint with "The Peppermill" show; it is a mind-opening experience when those events are the centerpiece in their own right in a book. The subject you are studying starts coming to life in your mind. I can almost hear the music they are playing in the background of their daily lives.


Aug. 16th, 2017 12:42 pm
monk222: (Effulgent Days)
Poetry is a constructed conversation on the frontier of dreaming. It is a mechanism by which the essential state of reverie can be made available to our conscious minds. By means of the poem, we can enter this state of reverie with all our faculties alert and intact. Poems make possible a conscious entry into the preconscious mind, a lucid dreaming.

Poems are there, waiting, whenever we feel we need our minds to think in a different way.

-- Matthew Zapruder
monk222: (Mori: by tiger_ace)
A dream of mother, when she was young and had her dark, black hair kind of quasi-permed, straight out of the picture of her that I keep, from the family photos that were snapped when I was about eight. In this dream, she was like a loving mother to me, too, like I was not just an afterthought to Jack. Jack wasn't even in the dream. In this happier dream world, maybe I am an only child.

She and Pop got DVD movies, horror show type stuff, and not very good: big themes, cheap productions, a bit too indy.

I argued, "Why pay for DVDs when you pay two-hundred dollars a month for TV?" But before I even finished my rhetorical question, I realized that, unlike Pop, she doesn't get the kind of movies that play on HBO or Showtime. So, there is some sense in it, but it is like my hunting for porn movies in the era before the Internet: a lot more miss than hit, a thousand to one.

Leaving aside this business about the movies, and instead focusing on her, she was like a silly girl. That little education and modest intelligence, though, is kind of cute for a young woman - charm and fun counting for more.

I was my aging self in the dream, I think, and it felt as though I were more like an older brother to her than a son, or maybe even more like her boyfriend. But to me, as always, she was just an annoying mother.

This leads me to consider, if there were no Jack and no Arthudo (Jack never being born and Arthudo dead of a heart attack) and she had his money, this might have been a much better life for me. Undistracted by Jack, she would have wanted to 'make happy' with me, her only child, and she would not have played me so hard on the money, would not, for instance, be inclined to give me only her used stuff. Yet, one cannot be sure how her mental illness might have played in this scenario. She might have finished us off a lot sooner, perhaps still killing herself, or at least bankrupting us, and I might never have seen my fifties, such as they are.


Aug. 15th, 2017 04:17 pm
monk222: (OMFG: by iconsdeboheme)
Checking out my Twitter feed, I see Ann Coulter getting excited, saying that Trump is not dead yet: "Turn on your TV!"

I turned on my TV, and, yup, Trump has gone full-in for the white supremacists. Yesterday, he had come back from his first equivocating comments and sounded like he was made to get on the right side of the overwhelming majority condemning the White nationalists in Charlottesville. Accordingly, I thought life was going to return to normal, whatever this might exactly mean in the Trump era. He was going to be politically correct at least. He wasn't going to be freaky wild.

But, no, something happened since yesterday that enabled him to bring out his dark side. David Duke is now thanking him for his courage to speak the 'truth'. Trump stops just short of raising his fist and shouting, "White power!"

So, wow, it looks like life under Trump is only going to get more and more interesting. History kind of feels like it is in flux now. America, of course, has always had this long, dark shadowy side, but now it is threatening to become the face of the nation.


Aug. 14th, 2017 06:44 pm
monk222: (Mori: by tiger_ace)
I find myself wishing that I could draw and make a serviceable artist, not as a way to make money and become a success, but as a way to better treasure my memories. I imagine that spending hours drawing Bo and Coco would be better therapy for me than writing about them. I imagine, for instance, drawing scenes from my Bay Horse days, with Teri and Arthudo as well as Princess and Bo. Then my thoughts naturally became only more fanciful, imagining drawings of Sugar-esque and Gabe-esque characters.

Perhaps if I were more talented as a writer, it would be enough to work out such fond images in my head in prose or verse, but it is about time that I accept the cold truth that I can only go so far there. I write about as well as I draw - close enough, bad enough. I have no call on artistic capabilities to arrest the moment and open up its magic. I must do as regular ordinary people do: simply remember and daydream a little.


Aug. 13th, 2017 03:51 pm
monk222: (Default)
To be white is to be a striver, a crusader, an explorer and a conqueror. We build, we produce, we go upward … For us, it is conquer or die. This is a unique burden for the white man, that our fate is entirely in our hands. And it is appropriate because within us, within the very blood in our veins as children of the sun, lies the potential for greatness.

That is the great struggle we are called to. We are not meant to live in shame and weakness and disgrace. We were not meant to beg for moral validation from some of the most despicable creatures to ever populate the planet. We were meant to overcome — overcome all of it. Because that is natural and normal for us. Because for us, as Europeans, it is only normal again when we are great again.

-- Richard Spencer, American Nazi

~ ~ ~

"Barely 6 months into office Trump is juggling impeachment, Nuclear war, and a Nazi uprising, but on the bright side, he's meeting expectations."

-- Matt Oswalt
monk222: (Primal Hunger)
I started another round of mowing. The downside of these rainy, stormy days: more work.

National news has been rather more eventful. In response to what seems to be a bid to take down a statue of General Robert E. Lee at Charlottesville, Virginia, some white nationalist groups came out armed to protest. Some anti-protesters countered, and things got particularly nasty. The worst incident I saw was a guy slamming his car into some of the anti-protesters.

However, notwithstanding President Trump, the authorities and the law, both state and national, seem to be clear on the right and wrong in all this. Trump, being Trump, suggests that the problem is on all sides and will not condemn the white nationalists. Well, they are the activist part of his base.

David Duke was out for the festivities as well. He is looking a lot older these days, but he still has good hair.

Despite the provocative nature of the protests, with Nazi and Confederate flags waving about, and the anti-Semitic and racist sloganeering, complete with Hitler quotations, I cannot help actually feeling encouraged about America. At least judging by the news and social media coverage that I have seen, it looks like a small island of racist bigotry being overwhelmed by an ocean of outrage and condemnation. But is this an accurate reflection?

I imagine it is still a mixed situation. I am sure that America is still, operationally speaking, a white supremacist nation, but at least a line seems to be drawn when it comes to gross overt racism. I am inclined to believe that the guiding principle is: Let the darkies sink to their own level on their own. There is no need need to be malicious and impatient about it. Just reverse recent immigration trends, end affirmative action, and let the police do their thing. And let America be America.

Okay, I am most likely being unfair to America. It is really a civilization-wide thing. It is as though the aboriginals are a hangover from a more primitive time and simply cannot fit in naturally in advanced societies. And, yeah, we excite violent passions in some people, as we make for an easy target, a convenient enemy. We certainly are not their equals. And Islamist terrorism has not helped.


Aug. 9th, 2017 10:45 am
monk222: (Default)
Damn, I was hoping to get back my automatic rolling scroll with this new batch of Windows updates, seeing as it looks like a whole system reboot, but it didn't happen.

I suspect I got hit last week with a virus for a couple of reasons. First, not long after I lost this piece of basic computer functionality, I tried to place an order on Amazon, but they flat out refused to take my money. At first, I thought it was a bug on Amazon's part, but now I think it is because they detected something suspicious on my end of the deal. Second, on the next day or so, I got a message from my laptop that I need to put on some anti-Virus software, despite the fact that my Norton is still sitting pretty on the tray with its little green check mark.

Googling about, I came across a potential solution that looks easy enough for me to manage: uninstall the mouse and reboot, and the reboot should reinstall the mouse, hopefully a fully working mouse. Naturally I am nervous about trying anything new, and although the loss of this automatic scrolling is a grade-A annoyance, I can work well enough around it. At least I can still do everything on my laptop. If I try this solution, I am afraid that I will end up worse off, perhaps with no mouse at all.

Furthermore, I no longer try to order anything from my laptop. Indeed, I no longer even log onto Amazon from here. This, too, is a pain, but again a manageable one.

This laptop is quite old. I cannot remember when we got it, but I am thinking it must be at least five years old, which is much longer than I thought we'd ever have a computer up and running at our household. I was used to the idea that these things start to go wobbly on you in two years, and that you shouldn't count on having it for more than three years. So, the way I am handling this situation is to just see this as a quirk of a very old machine.

An added wrinkle, though, since Pop seems to be poorer today, is that I need to limp with this laptop for as long as I can. I doubt I will be getting another one. That will be a real crimp in my lifestyle, especially in my wanksmanship. I will have to masturbate by memory!


Aug. 8th, 2017 04:36 pm
monk222: (Noir Detective)
While I was humping away to laptop porn in my room, I would notice on my TV the breaking news that North Korea has supposedly learned how to miniaturize nuclear warheads, and Trump dons his superhero tights and cape and says at a golf club, “North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.” He thinks he's Churchill. He doesn't know that all we see is a clown with a red-ball nose. And, yeah, we're a little nervous. Though, some people are taking it in stride. Ross Douthat, for one, tweets, "Nuclear war Twitter will be the best Twitter."



Aug. 7th, 2017 06:42 pm
monk222: (Mori: by tiger_ace)
The thought of Jack has been popping into my mind lately. Maybe I can exorcise some of this energy in writing about it. It perhaps started with a snippet of a dream from a few nights back.

In this dreamworld Jack apparently returns 'home' to live with Pop and me. Though, he also seems to revert to his younger self of the early 90s, when I named him Quiet White, before he lost his virginity and became whatever it is he has become. He is restless, and I try to help him by suggesting something that I do to wile away some hours. I show him my chess books and tell him how I like to play out the recorded chess games. In the wonder of dreams, the magnetic chess set appears on the table next to us, and I offer it to him. (I keep the wooden one to myself.) He eagerly takes it up.

Earlier today, I found myself wondering what one of Jack's days looks like, thinking that I would like to be a fly on his walls, or maybe have the feeds from a number of mini-cameras planted around him. What does his home life look like? What would I see and hear? What is his social life like? Does he go out with some guys from work? Does he still frequent stripper clubs and prostitutes, or does he have an extra girlfriend or two? From what I hear of his discussions with Pop, his conversations cannot be that engaging in themselves. He really does sound like a high-school dropout whose IQ can't be more than a hair over 110. To be sure, sex with attractive women perhaps makes up for that.

Then, less than an hour ago, when I was thinking about what to write, hungering for a conversation myself, considering whether to try a dialogue with my suicided mother, I found myself wondering how often Jack thinks of her and how he thinks about her. Theirs, after all, was the only real love connection in the family. I assume he does, but his mind is so limited and personality so cold, it wouldn't shock me if she almost never comes to his mind, and almost never in any meaningful way. Or am I wrong about that?

On the other hand, why should I give a fuck about anything about him? It would seem a terrible waste of time and thought. There is certainly no return in it. I guess I am simply feeling my loneliness. It would be nice to have a little brother who loves me, especially one that can drive and is earning some pocket money and is happy to take me out to eat.
monk222: (Cats)
This was a bad storm for the cats to be caught out in. I didn't see it coming. We were still in the middle of summer as far as I was concerned. Especially after the decent rains we enjoyed a couple of weeks ago, this was surely going to be a drought period.

I woke up early, before seven, and I saw the occasional flash of lightning across the dark sky, but I didn't think anything of it. Even if it did rain, it could not be more than a shower. But that was very mistaken.

It has been storming hard for a couple of hours now. Sammy made it back early, before it got bad, but Ash is still out there.

Then the storm turned nasty. So much shattering thunder. I cringed knowing how Ash is particularly vulnerable to the roar of that cannon fire. I was actually afraid that I might lose Ash for good this time, that she might get lost in her vain pursuit to escape the torrential rain and the constant thunder.

However, about an hour ago, I saw that she is in the back yard, but the yard was already flooded and she was stuck at the shed. She is there now, soaking wet and no doubt weary. I tried a couple of times to go out to her and rescue her, the way I used to for Coco. Unlike Coco, however, Ash won't let me get near her. Instead of seeing me as a friend and a ride back to this warm comfy home, she seems to somehow see me as a threat, like I might be a cat serial-killer, as though I have not shown her over the years only gentle caring love.

This storm is not letting up, and the water level in the back yard is only rising. I feel some relief in the fact that at least she is here, but I cannot see how she makes it into the house anytime soon.

Yard Work

Aug. 6th, 2017 04:05 pm
monk222: (Primal Hunger)
I did some serious yard work in the last 24 hours. Last evening, I mowed the front, and I realized that I let the edging go for too long. So, I had to recover our nearly lost sidewalk that runs down Sweet Tooth Street, as well as curb the grass that has started invading the street. Then, this morning, Pop and I took out the tree-branch saw (for want of a better term). Our brush pick-up begins tomorrow. I really felt my lost of musculature. Scarcely at work for an hour, my arms felt like dead limbs themselves.


Aug. 6th, 2017 01:46 pm
monk222: (Default)
"Am I the only one who is sick and tired of being told to pick up my trash when we have plenty of janitors who are paid to do it for us?"

-- Stephen Miller, Trump adviser


Aug. 4th, 2017 07:44 pm
monk222: (Default)
My better nature: "We're at the beach. Relax. Take a break from Twitter."

My real nature: "Why? I can glance at the ocean between tweets."

-- Bill Kristol

~ ~ ~

“All literature is a diary. So indeed is all art.”

-- Ned Rorem

Home Life

Aug. 3rd, 2017 09:08 pm
monk222: (Cats)
As a general rule, I don't care to do lawn work when Pop is away on one of his little stayovers. I prefer to treasure the time when I have the house to myself, rather than drain a couple of those precious hours on sweaty work. However, I have the cats inside and the back yard needed a mowing. My love for the cats is strong enough to make some sacrifices yet on their behalf, even without my Coco.
monk222: (Effulgent Days)
“Fiction enabled me to reverse what had happened in reality, with impunity.”

-- Sheila Kohler

This is a tempting idea, to give one a way forward to write, even if only as therapy. The pitfall is the credibility of your reworked scenario.

For example, here is the beginning of a story: I won the lottery for 50 million dollars! I'm rich, I'm rich!

How long can this idea be fun, before you simply feel silly and ridiculous?

But one response might be: Well, how much are you willing to put into it? If winning the big lottery is that big a dream or obsession for you, then you need to live that 'reality' deeply. First, maybe, you go pricing fancy sports cars, hunting up the prices and model names. Of course, this fantasy is pointless without girls and sex. So, you might want to think about who your first catch is. Is she a blonde? Is she a wit, or does she just have big tits? Is she a waitress? or is she a college student? And, yeah, what is her name?

You have to take it seriously, spend real time and effort on it, writing and revising, making this come alive on the page.

On the other hand, if you cannot be bothered to spend more than half an hour on it, or be resourceful enough to google up some sports cars, or pick a girl from the pornos, and write more than a few hundred words, then maybe this lottery idea is not the ticket for you. Worse yet, if you cannot come up with an idea that can animate you into some serious work, then maybe writing isn't really what you are about. Maybe you thought, just because you have strung some good sentences in your time, it would be an easy way to make it to the big life, like winning the lottery.
monk222: (Bonobo Thinking)
Wow, Paul Ryan has a video out that shows him all hot for 'the wall'. With the GOP brand falling hard, it looks like they have been doing some serious thinking, and have decided to play up something that has some real bite with the GOP base, following Trump's lead on this.

Trump has also come out with immigration curbs, calling for prospective immigrants to speak English and have higher skills. On the other side of the equation, deportations continue to rise - kicking out the wrong people, bringing in only the right people. Also related, the Justice Department is opening litigation against universities to put an end to race-based affirmative action.

These are policies that are not really crazy. I mean, it is racial and Republican, but there is a sensibility to them, with the real kicker that this is probably what most Americans want, and maybe it could save the GOP. Going into this week there was a lot of talk about the Democrats being able to take back Congress. Ryan and the Republicans seem to have sobered up and are ready to make the best play they can with the cards they have - and help to keep America white while they are at it.


monk222: (Default)

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